Embracing Rejection and the Divine Kiss: Lessons from Rabbi Nechunia ben HaKaneh

In the teachings of Rabbi Nechunia ben HaKaneh, we find a profound lesson about prayer and service to HaShem. Although Rabbi Nechunia was an expert in the mystical intentions (kavanot) of prayer, he still approached prayer like a newborn child—humble, sincere, and without pretense. This paradox teaches us about the two aspects of our relationship with HaShem: closeness and distance, right and left, embrace and rejection.

Two Aspects of Serving HaShem: Embrace and Rejection

The Tur (Orach Chaim 5) highlights how we should approach prayer, especially when addressing HaShem by His various Names. The Name “Adonai” (Ado-nai) reminds us that HaShem is the L-rd of all things, while the Tetragrammaton (Y-H-V-H) calls to mind that HaShem is, was, and will be, the Creator and Sustainer of all worlds. When we say, “Blessed are You,” we should visualize HaShem standing right before us, His Name reflecting His eternal presence, sustaining all creation.

This moment in prayer is the essence of spiritual intimacy. As it says in Shir HaShirim (Song of Songs 1:2), “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth,” a metaphor for the closeness between a person and HaShem when their thoughts are aligned with His presence. The soul feels embraced by HaShem’s “right hand,” as mentioned in Shir HaShirim (2:6), which symbolizes Divine closeness and love.

The Left Hand: Divine Rejection for the Sake of Closeness

But what happens when we experience distance from HaShem? When our sins or distractions break our connection during prayer, we are pushed away by HaShem’s “left hand.” The great pleasure of speaking to HaShem directly is diminished, replaced by mundane thoughts. This is the feeling of spiritual rejection.

Yet, as Rabbi Nechunia teaches, this rejection is purposeful. HaShem never distances a person just for the sake of pushing them away. Instead, the distance is to create the space needed for a return. Even in rejection, HaShem is present, as He pushes us away to ultimately bring us closer. Like a loving parent who disciplines a child for their growth, HaShem’s “left hand” prepares us for His right hand to receive us in repentance.

Accepting Rejection with Love

A wise person, Rabbi Nechunia explains, will recognize HaShem’s presence even in moments of distance. When one person pushes another, they are still standing in front of them. In the same way, even when HaShem’s “left hand” is at work, He is still right there with us. Understanding this transforms the experience of rejection into an opportunity for growth. We are called to “kiss the rejection,” to embrace the push away as a step toward greater intimacy with HaShem.

This mindset applies to more than just prayer. In moments of external fear or challenge, we are invited to turn inward and reflect on our relationship with HaShem. Even negative thoughts and distractions, when examined closely, can lead to inner growth. By accepting both the kisses and the rejections from HaShem with love, we allow ourselves to be drawn closer to Him.

Drawing Closer Through Both Kisses and Distance

The teachings of Rabbi Nechunia ben HaKaneh remind us that our spiritual journey involves both moments of closeness and distance. While the “kisses” of HaShem—the feelings of connection and intimacy—are sweet and fulfilling, the “rejections” are equally valuable, as they guide us toward deeper repentance and transformation. In both the embrace of HaShem’s right hand and the distance of His left, HaShem is always present, calling us to return with love and sincerity.

As we navigate our own prayers and challenges in life, may we recognize HaShem in every moment, whether we feel His closeness or His distance, knowing that both are expressions of His infinite love and care for us.

Sources:

1. Tur, Orach Chaim, Siman 5

2. Shir HaShirim 1:2, 2:6

3. Ketones Passim, 43b

This blog is in the merit of Alexander Lobanov, 32, of Ashkelon, married and father of two, was working as a bar manager at the Nova Music Festival when the attack occurred. A Russian-Israel, witnesses testified he was seen helping people escape when he was captured. He was held captive for over 300 days before being brutally murdered just a few days ago. On Saturday, August 31, 2024, a combined IDF-ISA force located his body and returned it to Israel.  May his neshema make the highest aliyah. He was martyred on Shabbat, Simchat Torah 5784.

In my book Pick Me Up HaShem, you’ll find many prayers that explore how HaShem is constantly drawing us closer to Him, inviting us into a deeper relationship through prayer and reflection. These prayers are designed to help you connect with the divine presence in a way that transcends mere requests and taps into the true purpose of prayer.

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