Embracing Rejection and the Divine Kiss: Lessons from Rabbi Nechunia ben HaKaneh

In the teachings of Rabbi Nechunia ben HaKaneh, we find a profound lesson about prayer and service to HaShem. Although Rabbi Nechunia was an expert in the mystical intentions (kavanot) of prayer, he still approached prayer like a newborn child—humble, sincere, and without pretense. This paradox teaches us about the two aspects of our relationship with HaShem: closeness and distance, right and left, embrace and rejection.

Two Aspects of Serving HaShem: Embrace and Rejection

The Tur (Orach Chaim 5) highlights how we should approach prayer, especially when addressing HaShem by His various Names. The Name “Adonai” (Ado-nai) reminds us that HaShem is the L-rd of all things, while the Tetragrammaton (Y-H-V-H) calls to mind that HaShem is, was, and will be, the Creator and Sustainer of all worlds. When we say, “Blessed are You,” we should visualize HaShem standing right before us, His Name reflecting His eternal presence, sustaining all creation.

This moment in prayer is the essence of spiritual intimacy. As it says in Shir HaShirim (Song of Songs 1:2), “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth,” a metaphor for the closeness between a person and HaShem when their thoughts are aligned with His presence. The soul feels embraced by HaShem’s “right hand,” as mentioned in Shir HaShirim (2:6), which symbolizes Divine closeness and love.

The Left Hand: Divine Rejection for the Sake of Closeness

But what happens when we experience distance from HaShem? When our sins or distractions break our connection during prayer, we are pushed away by HaShem’s “left hand.” The great pleasure of speaking to HaShem directly is diminished, replaced by mundane thoughts. This is the feeling of spiritual rejection.

Yet, as Rabbi Nechunia teaches, this rejection is purposeful. HaShem never distances a person just for the sake of pushing them away. Instead, the distance is to create the space needed for a return. Even in rejection, HaShem is present, as He pushes us away to ultimately bring us closer. Like a loving parent who disciplines a child for their growth, HaShem’s “left hand” prepares us for His right hand to receive us in repentance.

Accepting Rejection with Love

A wise person, Rabbi Nechunia explains, will recognize HaShem’s presence even in moments of distance. When one person pushes another, they are still standing in front of them. In the same way, even when HaShem’s “left hand” is at work, He is still right there with us. Understanding this transforms the experience of rejection into an opportunity for growth. We are called to “kiss the rejection,” to embrace the push away as a step toward greater intimacy with HaShem.

This mindset applies to more than just prayer. In moments of external fear or challenge, we are invited to turn inward and reflect on our relationship with HaShem. Even negative thoughts and distractions, when examined closely, can lead to inner growth. By accepting both the kisses and the rejections from HaShem with love, we allow ourselves to be drawn closer to Him.

Drawing Closer Through Both Kisses and Distance

The teachings of Rabbi Nechunia ben HaKaneh remind us that our spiritual journey involves both moments of closeness and distance. While the “kisses” of HaShem—the feelings of connection and intimacy—are sweet and fulfilling, the “rejections” are equally valuable, as they guide us toward deeper repentance and transformation. In both the embrace of HaShem’s right hand and the distance of His left, HaShem is always present, calling us to return with love and sincerity.

As we navigate our own prayers and challenges in life, may we recognize HaShem in every moment, whether we feel His closeness or His distance, knowing that both are expressions of His infinite love and care for us.

Sources:

1. Tur, Orach Chaim, Siman 5

2. Shir HaShirim 1:2, 2:6

3. Ketones Passim, 43b

This blog is in the merit of Alexander Lobanov, 32, of Ashkelon, married and father of two, was working as a bar manager at the Nova Music Festival when the attack occurred. A Russian-Israel, witnesses testified he was seen helping people escape when he was captured. He was held captive for over 300 days before being brutally murdered just a few days ago. On Saturday, August 31, 2024, a combined IDF-ISA force located his body and returned it to Israel.  May his neshema make the highest aliyah. He was martyred on Shabbat, Simchat Torah 5784.

In my book Pick Me Up HaShem, you’ll find many prayers that explore how HaShem is constantly drawing us closer to Him, inviting us into a deeper relationship through prayer and reflection. These prayers are designed to help you connect with the divine presence in a way that transcends mere requests and taps into the true purpose of prayer.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into these spiritual truths, consider studying Kabbalah, the mystical tradition that unlocks the profound secrets of our reality and draws us closer to HaShem’s divine wisdom. Delve into teachings that illuminate the “why” behind the Torah, connecting the layers of Creation in a synergized whole and offering a glimpse of HaShem in a way no other study can. From the timeless wisdom of Rabbi Chaim Vital and the Arizal to the unifying insights of Rabbi Sar-Shalom Sharabi (Rashash), Kabbalah not only transforms your spiritual understanding but also brings peace, protection, and redemption closer to our world. Sponsor my study in this sacred tradition and receive its blessings for sustenance, health, and family, ensuring that the powerful light of Kabbalah shines in your merit.

Understanding Soul-Mates and Reincarnation: A Kabbalistic Perspective

When it comes to soul-mates, or zivugim, Jewish mystical tradition offers profound insights, particularly through the lens of reincarnation and Divine Providence. The sages and Kabbalists, especially Rabbenu Bachiya and the Ari, explored the deeper aspects of how marriages are formed, how reincarnation impacts these relationships, and how faith plays a crucial role in overcoming the obstacles that arise in life.

In the Talmud (Sotah 2a), there is a famous statement that “pairing people is as difficult as the splitting of the Red Sea.” This statement seems puzzling at first. After all, we often think of marriage as something that should be relatively simple if it’s destined by Heaven. But what the Sages were hinting at here, especially when referring to a second marriage, involves a much deeper concept of the soul and its journeys through different lifetimes.

The discussion begins by differentiating between the first and second zivug (soul-mate). The first zivug is connected to the soul’s first appearance in the world. When a person comes into the world for the first time, their soul-mate is already born, and Heaven arranges the union to occur with ease. This aligns with the Talmudic statement that before a person is born, it is declared in Heaven who they will marry. In this case, the union is relatively smooth because it is aligned with the person’s first-time journey on earth.

However, the second zivug, which is often more difficult, refers to a second-time marriage after reincarnation. If a person reincarnates due to sins in a past life, the process of finding and marrying their soul-mate becomes more challenging. The difficulties arise because the soul is facing spiritual debts from its previous lifetime, which manifest as obstacles in reuniting with its true partner. This second zivug is often the same soul-mate from the previous life, but now the process is more complex due to the consequences of past actions.

Reincarnation, or gilgulim, plays a central role in understanding why some marriages seem harder than others. When a person reincarnates, their soul-mate also reincarnates, but this time, the process of coming together is filled with challenges. The spiritual obstacles they face are a direct result of their past life, where they failed to fulfill certain aspects of their mission or engaged in sins that now create barriers in their relationships.

As explained by the Saba of Mishpatim, when a man is forced to reincarnate due to his sins, his wife reincarnates with him “for his good.” However, when the time comes to marry, the process is not smooth. Spiritual accusers—forces that emerge from his previous sins—work against him, trying to prevent the union from happening. These accusers manifest as difficulties, disagreements, or even prolonged separations, making the marriage process a true test of faith.

The struggle to reunite with one’s soul-mate after reincarnation is likened to the splitting of the Red Sea—a monumental event that requires both Divine intervention and human perseverance. The person must continue to push forward, despite the obstacles, seeking HaShem in the concealment of these challenges.

Even though the process of finding a second soul-mate is fraught with difficulty, Divine Providence is always at work, albeit in a hidden manner. HaShem is still guiding the process, but because of the person’s past transgressions, the help is more concealed than it would be in their first lifetime. This aligns with the broader Kabbalistic idea that life’s challenges are often designed to test our faith and push us to seek HaShem amidst the darkness.

The beauty of this process is that even when things seem hopeless or incredibly challenging, the soul-mate is still the true zivug. It is only through enduring the struggle and maintaining faith that the union can come to fruition. The spiritual work involved in overcoming these obstacles is part of the soul’s rectification, and in doing so, the person and their partner are able to elevate their relationship to a higher spiritual level.

The text gives us a nuanced view of marital struggles, especially when it comes to understanding whether someone is truly our soul-mate. In the case of reincarnation, the second zivug may involve more fighting or challenges before marriage, but this does not mean the person is not the intended partner. In fact, the opposite is often true—the turbulence is a sign of the spiritual work that needs to be done to reunite. Only after marriage, when peace finally prevails, does it become clear that the soul-mates were destined for each other all along.

However, if there is no peace even after marriage, that may be a sign that the partners are not true soul-mates. This delicate balance between struggle and harmony highlights the importance of faith and perseverance in the process of finding and nurturing a soul-mate relationship.

The metaphor of pairing people being as difficult as the splitting of the Red Sea serves as a powerful reminder of the miraculous nature of relationships. Just as the sea was split through Divine intervention, so too can the challenges in finding a soul-mate be overcome through faith, trust, and persistence. It is a test of our belief in HaShem’s Providence, especially when it seems like the world is working against us.

The Kabbalistic teachings on soul-mates and reincarnation offer a profound perspective on marriage, faith, and Divine Providence. The struggles we face in our relationships are often not just personal trials but part of a larger spiritual process, where our actions from past lives come into play. By maintaining faith and seeking HaShem amidst the challenges, we can ultimately reunite with our true soul-mate, even if the path is difficult. The lesson here is one of perseverance, faith, and the deep belief that HaShem is guiding us every step of the way, even when His hand is hidden.

May Rabbenu Bachiya and the Ari's merit protect us!

This blog is in the merit of Almog Sarusi, 27, of Ra’anana, was abducted to the Gaza Strip by Hamas terrorists from the Nova Music Festival on October 7. He was attending the wounds of his girlfriend Shahar, who was wounded in the attack when he was captured. Shahar succumbed to her wounds. He was held captive for over 300 days before being brutally murdered just a few days ago. On Saturday, August 31, 2024, a combined IDF-ISA force located his body and returned it to Israel.  May his neshema make the highest aliyah. He was martyred on Shabbat, Simchat Torah 5784

In my book Pick Me Up HaShem, you’ll find many prayers that explore how HaShem is constantly drawing us closer to Him, inviting us into a deeper relationship through prayer and reflection. These prayers are designed to help you connect with the divine presence in a way that transcends mere requests and taps into the true purpose of prayer.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into these spiritual truths, consider studying Kabbalah, the mystical tradition that unlocks the profound secrets of our reality and draws us closer to HaShem’s divine wisdom. Delve into teachings that illuminate the “why” behind the Torah, connecting the layers of Creation in a synergized whole and offering a glimpse of HaShem in a way no other study can. From the timeless wisdom of Rabbi Chaim Vital and the Arizal to the unifying insights of Rabbi Sar-Shalom Sharabi (Rashash), Kabbalah not only transforms your spiritual understanding but also brings peace, protection, and redemption closer to our world. Sponsor my study in this sacred tradition and receive its blessings for sustenance, health, and family, ensuring that the powerful light of Kabbalah shines in your merit.

Guard Your Words, Grow Your Garden: How Your Mouth Can Make or Break Your Spiritual Wealth

You’ve been racking up all these mitzvot (good deeds) like someone hoarding frequent flyer miles, thinking you're stacking up spiritual wealth. But then—bam!—you realize you've been sabotaging yourself by talking trash or just letting loose with reckless words. Yeah, it's like you're making money on one side but then burning it on the other without even noticing. Total zero-sum game, right?

So here’s how Mishlei (Proverbs) lays it down: there’s this dude who thinks he’s getting rich, but when it’s time to settle the accounts, it turns out he’s actually broke because all the profit he made was canceled out by the losses. Now, swap out "money" for "mitzvot" and "losses" for "bad speech," and that’s where we’re at spiritually. You could be planting all these awesome trees in Gan Eden, but instead of flourishing vineyards, you've got thorns and weeds because your mouth has been running wild.

Solomon’s like, "Yo, there are two types of people." The first are lazy—like, they can’t even bother to learn or keep up with Torah. That’s the "field of the lazy man"—nothing’s growing there but regret. Then there’s the other guy: he’s got the Torah knowledge, does good deeds, but he’s not keeping his eye on them, like leaving a gourmet meal out for the flies. In other words, he’s got all this potential but isn’t watching his mouth, and it’s wrecking his spiritual garden.

And here's where the Zohar comes in hot with the mystical wisdom. It says when someone speaks unclean words (think: gossip, insults, or just general negativity), it invites these creepy, bad vibes (spirits) that cling to those words. Then, when you try to say something holy, those bad vibes show up first and taint whatever good you were trying to do. Like having a stain on your best shirt right before a big event—you’re not going to make the impression you thought you would.

Now, Solomon also gives us the visual of a stone wall around your spiritual vineyard. You know, all the good habits, boundaries, and safeguards you've built up to protect yourself from slipping up. But if you don’t watch what leaves your lips, it’s like letting people come in and trample all over your hard work, breaking down the wall until nothing’s left. So, the advice here? Guard your words. Build that fence strong and keep it up. Your spiritual real estate depends on it!

And finally, there’s hope—Teshuva (repentance) out of love. Even if you've blown it big time, if you come back with genuine regret and love for HaShem, all those past mistakes get turned into merits. It's like flipping a negative balance into an investment. You turn what was spiritual bankruptcy into overflowing wealth.

So moral of the story: check your speech, protect your spiritual vineyard, and know that even if you mess up, Teshuva can make it all right again. You’ve got this!

Inspired by Shemirat HaLashon Book II , Chapter I

I’m inviting you to join our 40-Day Shemirat HaLashon Challenge: A Journey Toward Mindful Speech.

Why this challenge?

Because the words we speak matter. They shape our relationships, our self-worth, and our connection with HaShem. In a world filled with noise, gossip, and negativity, imagine the power of refining your speech to uplift, encourage, and create peace.

✨ Transforming our words transforms our lives—and it’s the perfect way to start the new year with intention and meaning!

Here’s why you should join:

Start fresh: It’s the beginning of the year, and this is your chance to align your speech with the highest values, setting the tone for everything that follows.

Spiritual Growth: Learn practical strategies rooted in Torah and the teachings of the sages to guard your tongue and become mindful in how you communicate.

Daily Inspiration: For 40 days, you’ll receive empowering lessons and reminders to guide you toward a deeper awareness of your words.

Connect with Sisters: You won’t be alone on this journey. You’ll have the support of other incredible women walking the same path toward mindful speech and spiritual growth.

Imagine the peace and inner strength you can cultivate by simply being mindful of the words you speak. Let’s make this new year a time of kindness, connection, and genuine change—starting with how we speak.

40 days, 1 powerful transformation. Are you in? 💫

🎯 Let’s commit together, sisters. Sign up now and let’s start the new year with words of light! 🕊️

https://www.emunabuilders.com/challenge-page/c198e4df-82f5-4851-8267-4212f34c8d4d

#ShemiratHaLashon #MindfulSpeechChallenge #NewYearNewWords #SistersInGrowth #PowerOfWords

In my book Pick Me Up HaShem, you’ll find many prayers that explore how HaShem is constantly drawing us closer to Him, inviting us into a deeper relationship through prayer and reflection. These prayers are designed to help you connect with the divine presence in a way that transcends mere requests and taps into the true purpose of prayer.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into these spiritual truths, consider studying Kabbalah, the mystical tradition that unlocks the profound secrets of our reality and draws us closer to HaShem’s divine wisdom. Delve into teachings that illuminate the “why” behind the Torah, connecting the layers of Creation in a synergized whole and offering a glimpse of HaShem in a way no other study can. From the timeless wisdom of Rabbi Chaim Vital and the Arizal to the unifying insights of Rabbi Sar-Shalom Sharabi (Rashash), Kabbalah not only transforms your spiritual understanding but also brings peace, protection, and redemption closer to our world. Sponsor my study in this sacred tradition and receive its blessings for sustenance, health, and family, ensuring that the powerful light of Kabbalah shines in your merit.