What Truly Makes Us Happy? The Case for Intrinsic Aspirations

In a world constantly pulling us toward achievement, image, and status, it’s easy to mistake the glitter for gold. But research—and Torah wisdom—consistently reminds us that the real treasures of life lie elsewhere.

A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the pursuit of intrinsic aspirations—such as personal growth, deep relationships, and meaningful contribution—leads to far greater and longer-lasting wellbeing than the chase after extrinsic goals like wealth, fame, and appearance. In fact, prioritizing extrinsic aspirations often correlates with increased anxiety, dissatisfaction, and even emotional distress.

So how do we align ourselves with what actually cultivates joy, purpose, and inner peace?

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Aspirations: Two Roads Diverge

Let’s define the terms:

• Intrinsic aspirations include goals like:

  
  

  • Growing emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually

  • Building loving, authentic relationships

  • Contributing meaningfully to the world around us

• 
  

• Extrinsic aspirations focus on:

  
  

  • Accumulating wealth

  • Gaining fame or recognition

  • Enhancing physical image or outward appearance

• 
  

While both types of goals can be present in a person’s life, it’s the dominance of one over the other that shapes psychological outcomes.

The Research Is Clear: Intrinsic Goals Sustain Us

Across dozens of studies (e.g., Bradshaw et al., 2022; Kasser & Ryan, 1996; Hope et al., 2018), intrinsic aspirations consistently predict:

• Higher levels of life satisfaction

• Greater vitality and motivation

• Lower stress and emotional distress

• Deeper fulfillment over time

Why? Because intrinsic goals directly satisfy our basic psychological needs:

Autonomy (the ability to act in alignment with one’s values),

Competence (feeling effective), and

Relatedness (feeling meaningfully connected to others).

These aren’t luxuries—they’re hardwired into our biology and soul. When our goals align with them, we flourish. When they don’t, we may look successful externally, but feel empty internally.

The High Cost of Extrinsic Pursuits

Extrinsic goals rely heavily on external validation—the likes, the paychecks, the approval. While they might offer short-term boosts, they don’t address our core human needs.

The result? Studies show that those who prioritize extrinsic aspirations are more likely to experience:

• Higher anxiety and depression

• More fragile self-esteem

• Weaker relationships

• Less overall happiness

And while there are cultural and socioeconomic nuances (for example, in less affluent communities, some extrinsic goals may serve basic needs and therefore offer real benefits), the broader pattern is clear: when these goals dominate, wellbeing declines.

Can You Have Both? The Balanced Approach

Interestingly, people who score high in both intrinsic and extrinsic aspirations may fare better than those low in both. But still, intrinsic goals remain the strongest predictor of sustained wellbeing.

So the takeaway isn’t to shame external goals—but to anchor them in intrinsic values.

Want a fulfilling career? Ask how it allows you to grow or serve others.

Want financial stability? Let it support your ability to give, rest, and connect.

A Torah-Infused Lens

Jewish tradition speaks this truth clearly: “Who is rich? One who rejoices in what they have.” (Pirkei Avot 4:1)

This isn’t a call to settle for less. It’s a blueprint for living wisely—channeling our efforts toward what nourishes the soul, not just the ego.

Chassidut and Mussar both highlight the importance of inner refinement, connection to others, and service to something higher than the self—all deeply intrinsic values. These are not distractions from the good life; they are the good life.

Conclusion: The Aspiration Audit

Take a moment to reflect: What goals are driving you right now?

Which ones feel imposed? Which feel aligned?

Investing in intrinsic aspirations—like growth, connection, and contribution—is not only healthier; it’s holier. It’s the way we become vessels for blessing, channels for Divine purpose, and ultimately, more deeply fulfilled human beings.

References

• Bradshaw, E., Conigrave, J., Steward, B., Ferber, K., Parker, P., & Ryan, R. (2022). A meta-analysis of the dark side of the American dream: Evidence for the universal wellness costs of prioritizing extrinsic over intrinsic goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000431

• Hope, N., Holding, A., Verner-Filion, J., Sheldon, K., & Koestner, R. (2018). The path from intrinsic aspirations to subjective well-being is mediated by changes in basic psychological need satisfaction and autonomous motivation: A large prospective test. Motivation and Emotion, 43, 232–241. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-018-9733-z

• Kasser, T., & Ryan, R. (1996). Further Examining the American Dream: Differential Correlates of Intrinsic and Extrinsic Goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 22, 280–287. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167296223006

• Bradshaw, E. (2020). Intrinsic and extrinsic aspirations and psychological wellbeing: A meta-analysis and latent profile analyses of life goals. Journal and Proceedings of the Royal Society of New South Wales. https://doi.org/10.26199/5D788114864B0

• Rijavec, M., Brdar, I., & Miljković, D. (2011). Aspirations and Well-Being: Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic Life Goals. Društvena Istraživanja, 20, 693–710. https://doi.org/10.5559/di.20.3.05

• Romero, E., Gómez-Fraguela, J., & Villar, P. (2012). Life Aspirations, Personality Traits and Subjective Well–Being in a Spanish Sample. European Journal of Personality, 26, 45–55. https://doi.org/10.1002/per.815

• Nishimura, T., & Suzuki, T. (2016). Aspirations and life satisfaction in Japan: The big five personality makes clear. Personality and Individual Differences, 97, 300–305. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.02.070

• Neufeld, A. (2023). Life aspirations and health in Canada: A patient-oriented study. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science / Revue canadienne des sciences du comportement. https://doi.org/10.1037/cbs0000397

• Stevens, M., Constantinescu, P., & Butucescu, A. (2011). Aspirations and wellbeing in Romanian and US undergraduates. International Journal of Psychology: Journal International de Psychologie, 46(6), 436–445. https://doi.org/10.1080/00207594.2011.565344

• Brdar, I., Rijavec, M., & Miljković, D. (2009). Life Goals and Well-Being: Are Extrinsic Aspirations Always Detrimental to Well-Being? Psychological Topics, 18, 317–334.

• Rijavec, M., Brdar, I., & Miljković, D. (2006). Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic Life Goals, Psychological Needs and Life Satisfaction. In Proceedings from Psychology Conference, pp. 91–103.

A Balanced G-d: Justice, Mercy, and the Soul’s Return — Reflections on Bamidbar

In Parshas Bamidbar, we are brought into the tension between awe and closeness, between Divine justice and Divine compassion. It’s a tension that mirrors the deepest questions of the soul: Is G-d to be feared or loved? Does He forgive, or does He demand strict accountability? Can we approach Him as we are, or must we first earn our way back?

The Berdichever Rebbe, Reb Levi Yitzchak, invites us into a deeper synthesis.

He begins by questioning a seemingly paradoxical phrase from the Friday night zemiros in Kol Mekadeish:

“Meshokh chasdecha l’yodecha, Kel kana v’nokeim”

“Draw Your kindness upon those who know You, O jealous and vengeful G-d.”

How can one sincerely ask for mercy while invoking Divine jealousy and vengeance? This juxtaposition appears to contradict the very plea being made. But perhaps, says the Berdichever, that contradiction is where the truth begins.

Two Misconceptions of the Divine

Reb Levi Yitzchak points out that there are two extremes people often fall into when relating to Hashem.

One is the view of Hashem as harsh and punishing, a Being who is primarily interested in strict justice. In this view, religion becomes anxiety. Torah becomes survival. G-d is to be feared—but not approached.

The other extreme is the denial of consequence altogether, imagining Hashem as an indulgent, unconditionally approving figure who demands nothing and forgives everything by default. In this model, there is little incentive for change, no awe, no weight, and ultimately no direction.

Both perspectives distort the truth. Both remove the possibility of genuine relationship.

The Synthesis: King and Father

What the Berdichever offers is not a compromise between justice and mercy, but a deeper integration. He explains that Chazal’s statement—“Whoever says Hashem overlooks sins will have his life overlooked”—is not a rejection of Divine forgiveness. It is a rejection of apathy.

The one who believes that Hashem overlooks sins because He does not care about what we do is engaging in spiritual denial. But the one who understands that Hashem does care deeply, and that He is both Judge and Redeemer, King and Father, is precisely the one who can say, with integrity, that Hashem forgives.

To truly know G-d is to live in the paradox. To sense the reverence of His judgment and the tenderness of His mercy. To feel both small before His power and beloved within His presence.

What Opens the Gates of Kindness

This is why the request in Kol Mekadeish makes sense. “Draw Your kindness upon those who know You.” Who are those? The ones who understand the duality. Who internalize that Hashem is Kel kana v’nokeim—a G-d who takes justice seriously—but who also believe He is capable of overflowing kindness.

It is precisely those who perceive the full picture—who do not reduce Hashem to a caricature of only wrath or only love—who are able to receive His mercy in its fullness.

Hashem forgives the one who returns not because He doesn’t care what we’ve done, but because He cares enough to receive our return with open arms.

In Summary

It is important to understand that Hashem loves justice and can and will punish those who transgress His word. At the same time, we must also maintain the awareness that Hashem is perfectly kind and that He wipes away the sins of those who return to Him.

This is not abstract theology. It is a path for how to live in relationship. To know that we are seen and known. To know that consequences exist not to shame us but to awaken us. And to know that the return is always possible, always desired, and always met with mercy.

Blessing Over Lyme Disease

I bless the body’s innate and adaptive forces, architects of restoration,I align their truth-anchored flow toward clearing spirochetal presence,I receive their divine rhythm of repair in every cell and vessel,By sacred orchestration, let healing and holy coherence prevail.

I bless the skin where Borrelia first touched, may local immunity clear infection’s mark,Guiding macrophages and dendritic cells to cradle each fragment in gentle removal.

I bless the bloodstream’s vigilant patrol, guiding antibodies and complement to balance,May VlsE variation teach discernment, refining every response to eradicate stealth.

I bless the nervous system’s repair—cranial nerves, dorsal roots, and ganglia—May each myelinated fiber restore signal, each synapse kindle renewed clarity.

I bless the heart’s conduction pathways, AV node and myocardium alike,May rhythm find perfect tempo, each beat a testament to healed tissue.

I bless the joints once swollen in Lyme arthritis, synovium and cartilage in concert,May inflammation yield to resolution, each movement glide on waves of restored grace.

I bless every mitochondrial furnace, fueling repair with energized abundance,May oxidative stress subside, each ATP spark igniting renewal.

I bless Post-Treatment shadows of fatigue and fog, may their echoes dissolve,Clearing pathways for vibrant energy, each thought shining in lucid light.

By divine rhythm, infection gives way to wellness.Through sacred intelligence, immune wisdom guides true healing.In embodied coherence, I bless and am blessed.

Amen.