In Parshat Vayera, we encounter an interesting moment. The angels visit Abraham and tell him that he and Sarah will have a son within the coming year. Sarah, overhearing this from inside the tent, laughs. After all, she and Abraham were well past childbearing age. But what happens next is surprising: HaShem reprimands Abraham, not Sarah, for her laughter. Why?
Our sages teach us that Sarah was not just a passive participant in Abraham’s spiritual journey; she was a prophetess in her own right, and some even say she was on a higher spiritual level than Abraham. So why didn’t HaShem ask Sarah directly about her reaction? The answer reveals a deep truth about the dynamics of a marriage.
Even though Sarah was the one who laughed, HaShem spoke to Abraham because, on a spiritual level, a wife’s actions often reflect her husband’s spiritual state. In essence, Sarah’s laughter hinted at a subtle flaw in Abraham’s emuna (faith). It’s as if HaShem was saying to Abraham, “Look within. What is it in your own faith that needs strengthening?”
Let’s delve deeper into this concept through a beautiful analogy from Kabbalah. The husband is likened to the sun and the wife to the moon. The sun shines its light, and the moon reflects that light. In the same way, the husband is the spiritual “giver,” and the wife reflects the spiritual energy he provides.
If the wife appears “dark” or troubled, it’s often because the husband’s light—his spiritual energy, love, and support—isn’t shining brightly enough. Her struggles may be a reflection of his own inner work that still needs attention.
This doesn’t mean a husband is responsible for every challenge his wife faces, but it does highlight a profound connection: the more he works on himself, the more she will shine.
The husband’s role is to provide warmth, love, joy, and security, and to be a living example of emuna. When he comes home seeking respect, attention, or validation without first giving, he’s taking on a role reversal that disrupts the spiritual balance. Even though a wife often gives, it’s usually HaShem’s way of encouraging her husband to step up and become a better giver himself.
In a healthy dynamic, a husband who invests in his own spiritual and personal growth will naturally elevate his wife as well. He won’t need to demand respect or attention because his actions will earn it naturally.
Every marriage has its challenges, and sometimes a wife’s reactions or frustrations can feel overwhelming. But instead of viewing these moments as personal attacks, they can be seen as opportunities for growth. When a husband notices tension or conflict, it’s a cue to look inward and ask, “What can I improve in myself?”
Imagine standing in front of a mirror. If you see something out of place, you don’t get angry at the mirror—you adjust yourself. In the same way, a wife’s reactions are like a mirror, reflecting areas where her husband can grow.
A husband who takes time for daily self-reflection and prayer, sincerely striving to better himself, will find that many conflicts resolve themselves. His efforts will be rewarded not only with personal peace but also with greater harmony in his home. HaShem will guide him, both through his own efforts and, sometimes, through gentle reminders from his wife.
If a husband chooses to ignore his own flaws and instead focuses on his wife’s faults, he’s missing a valuable opportunity for growth. In such cases, HaShem might use his wife’s reactions as a form of “shock therapy,” to wake him up to the work he needs to do.
But for those who embrace this challenge, who see their wife’s reactions as a mirror rather than a battle, the rewards are immense. They build a marriage rooted in mutual respect, understanding, and true emuna.
So why did Sarah laugh? It was a moment of divine reflection, a gentle nudge for Abraham to look within and strengthen his faith. The laughter wasn’t just about disbelief; it was about the beautiful and challenging dance of growth between husband and wife, sun and moon, giver and receiver.
In marriage, as in life, the key is to keep looking into that mirror—not with judgment, but with a willingness to grow and become the best version of oneself. After all, when both partners shine, the whole world is filled with light.
In my book Pick Me Up HaShem, you’ll find many prayers that explore how HaShem is constantly drawing us closer to Him, inviting us into a deeper relationship through prayer and reflection. These prayers are designed to help you connect with the divine presence in a way that transcends mere requests and taps into the true purpose of prayer.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into these spiritual truths, consider studying Kabbalah, the mystical tradition that unlocks the profound secrets of our reality and draws us closer to HaShem’s divine wisdom. Delve into teachings that illuminate the “why” behind the Torah, connecting the layers of Creation in a synergized whole and offering a glimpse of HaShem in a way no other study can. From the timeless wisdom of Rabbi Chaim Vital and the Arizal to the unifying insights of Rabbi Sar-Shalom Sharabi (Rashash), Kabbalah not only transforms your spiritual understanding but also brings peace, protection, and redemption closer to our world. Sponsor my study in this sacred tradition and receive its blessings for sustenance, health, and family, ensuring that the powerful light of Kabbalah shines in your merit.
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